s I write this statement on Marriage Equality I am gazing at my engagement ring. On Christmas morning, much to my complete surprise, my partner of almost 10 years gave me a beautiful ring that is just my style—subtle and non-traditional. 

As we stood together privately that morning exchanging gifts we talked about the meaning of it all. We started to make plans, quickly deciding the church we would call, the clergy who might help, and the pending date. While we had talked for some time about having some type of ceremony when we reached our tenth year together, I certainly hadn’t thought about planning a wedding. Now I often think about our upcoming exchange of vows. 

My excitement surprises me. I have always been the one who spurned tradition. I have never wanted to be part of anything that didn’t want me. If that included the institution of matrimony, that was fine with me. Now something I had long said didn’t matter much to me, matters dearly. 

I have come a long way. 

I am ready to stand up for my relationship and for what I believe. I am not willing to just drop the issue or walk away just because others may not understand me. 

I need to add, though, that I clearly know that my upcoming wedding will not be a recognized marriage in the eyes of the state or the federal government. Still, it is an important first step for us—a first in a series of what we see as many steps in fighting for true equality. 

When the national and statewide organizations ratcheted up the fight for marriage equality I resisted speaking up. Frankly, I felt that there were so many other immediate needs in the LGBT community—healthcare, adoption, parenting, poverty—that fighting for the right to marry seemed self-indulgent. 

It was my partner who changed my limited thinking. Marriage equality is the one issue that affects all the rest. The research shows that marriage equality will help lower income same-sex couples the most because the ones most marginalized among us are the ones who need the few legal and financials protections that marriage will give us. 

No doubt we need more than scant protections. We deserve more.

And I promise to work on fighting for what we all deserve.

For years I have maintained a residence in Connecticut and she in New York state. When Connecticut allowed Civil Unions two years it was tempting for both of us to set up house in my home state and take what we could get. But while Civil Unions may seem a positive step, it is important to note that my home state immediately followed its passage of Civil Unions with a Defense of Marriage Act. We truly are second-class citizens in Connecticut.  

I don’t want to be second best and neither does my partner.

We are setting up house in New York and here we will continue to fight for marriage equality and against any proposed DOMA legislation. It is here we will take our vows and enter the next chapter of our relationship.

By Jean Marie Angelo