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Staff Spotlight Fall 2021

FALL 2021: COMING OUT EDITION

Judy Troilo (she/her/hers)-Executive Director

 

 

1. How do you identify as a community member and when did you come out (however you define this)?

I identify as lesbian and use lesbian, gay, and queer to describe myself. Coming out for me was a process of self-acceptance and being my true self outwardly. I knew I was gay at about 16 years old but did not come out until I was 22 or 23.

 

2. When you were first coming out was there a book, a movie, TV show, or something else you found helpful in your coming out journey? 


I lived in the West Village and worked in the arts so I was surrounded by amazing queer folx and made me feel as if I belonged.


3. Knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give your younger self who is getting ready to come out?


I came out as a young person in the late 80s and times were very different. if I had the opportunity to speak with my younger self I would say things will get better but it will be hard work, I hope you are up for it.

 

 

 

 

Scott Havelka (he/him/his)- Deputy Director

1. How do you identify as a community member and when did you come out (however you define this)?

One of my earliest memories of exploring gender was when I was 3 or 4 years old.  I remember tying a blanket around my waist to pretend I was wearing a skirt and as I was twirling around my bedroom my Mom walked in. Immediately feeling this was something I had to hide from her (shame), I attempted to do a handstand and say I was pretending to be a tulip.  I guess in my kid brain being a flower was a safer bet than appearing to be gender expressive.  When I came out to my family as gay my freshmen year of college, I received all love and support from them.  I never asked my Mom if she remembers my tulip re-enactment, maybe I should. 

2. When you were first coming out was there a book, a movie, TV show, or something else you found helpful in your coming out journey? 

When I was growing up there were a lot of firsts happening in pop culture and I was secretly reveling in all of them: Ellen's coming out, the same-sex kiss on Melrose Place, RuPaul, Pedro Zamora on The Real World, Anne Rice's queer characters. I used to watch "In the Life" on PBS and got so starstruck when The LOFT worked with the program's co-host Katherine Linton to create a video commemorating a milestone  LOFT anniversary. 


3. Knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give your younger self who is getting ready to come out?

Judge yourself less and love yourself more! 

 

 

 

 

Shepard Verbas (they/them/theirs) Director of Programs and Services

1. How do you identify as a community member and when did you come out (however you define this)?

Identity labels are complex and constantly shifting for me. I primarily identify as trans, non-binary, and queer. In navigating life as a trans person, I find myself often using different labels to describe myself based on how safe I feel with those around me. For example, I might use identity terms that fit more closely for me in queer spaces, but use more general terms in non-queer spaces.

Coming out to yourself is a huge step, but isn't one that gets talked about a lot. I first "came out" to myself around the age of 14 as gay, and first vocalized this to a trusted person at around 17 years old. I have known I was trans before I knew what being trans meant, so it is hard for me to pinpoint when I "came out" to myself as trans. Realistically looking back on things, when I came out as gay I knew that I was trans, but didn't feel ready or safe enough to vocalize it. I first shared my trans identity to a trusted friend at 19 years old.

Coming out is a lifelong process, and for me there are several years and moments I can cite as my "coming out". I am still not finished "coming out" and am personally in no rush to get there.

2. When you were first coming out was there a book, a movie, TV show, or something else you found helpful in your coming out journey? 

When I first came out I lived and breathed Tegan and Sara. Tegan and Sara are a Canadian pop band who not only have great, catchy music but also are heavily involved in LGBTQ+ activism. They were the first queer role models I had, which made a huge difference to me and my outlook on myself.


3. Knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give your younger self who is getting ready to come out?

I would say: "It's ok to be everything you feel. There are so many other people in the world who are like you. Keep seeking out opportunities to explore and learn more about yourself and your community because you'll be able to find those people who get you and life will be better."

 

 

 

 

Ryan Kirrane (he/him/his) Community Engagement Manager

1. How do you identify as a community member and when did you come out (however you define this)?

I identify as a cisgender gay man. I came out at college while I was attending SUNY Geneseo.

2. When you were first coming out was there a book, a movie, TV show, or something else you found helpful in your coming out journey? 

Seeing queer people on campus living their authentic lives was one of the most helpful aspects of my coming out journey. I hadn't really known any queer people before going to college so it was integral for me to meet folx who were out!


3. Knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give your younger self who is getting ready to come out?

Be kind to yourself. You'll come out when you feel it is right and will live life after that so glad that you did.

 

 

 

 

Mia Edwards (she/her/hers) Case Manager, PROUDWST Me Program 

1. How do you identify as a community member and when did you come out (however you define this)?

I identify as trans and I came out June 2018.

2. When you were first coming out was there a book, a movie, TV show, or something else you found helpful in your coming out journey? 

There was no one thing per se, but an accumulation of possibilities of what being authentically me looked like.


3. Knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give your younger self who is getting ready to come out?

Don’t catastrophize, things are never as bad as you might imagine.

 

 

 

Kira Lingala (she/her/hers) Peer Navigator, PROUDWST Me Program

1. How do you identify as a community member and when did you come out (however you define this)?

I identify as a bisexual transgender woman. I came out as bisexual when I was 15 in 2011 and transgender when I was 23 in 2019.

2. When you were first coming out was there a book, a movie, TV show, or something else you found helpful in your coming out journey? 

My gender was ripped open by horror films reckoning with femininity and identity, like Midsommar, Raw, and Us. While none of these films are explicitly queer, they all express deep discomfort with the strictures of social identity, as well as a fascination with the body’s capacity for creation through destruction. The beauty of horror is that it allows you the space to engage with ideas too frightening to consider otherwise. That space was vital in helping me come to terms with what was once the scariest idea of all: that I am a woman.


3. Knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give your younger self who is getting ready to come out?

I doubt my younger self would accept my advice, but I would tell her not to let the limitations of others guide her journey. There may never be an ideal time to explore yourself and make big changes, but doing that work can transform your life and lead you to the happiness you think of as impossible.

 

 

Jeffrey Guard (he/they) Media and Marketing Specialist

1. How do you identify as a community member and when did you come out (however you define this)?

I identify as a cisgender gay queer man. I came out in waves. My purest moment as a gay person was in the 1st grade. There was this other boy in my grade and we were madly in love with one another. He was quite mischievous and was always roping me into trouble (it didn't take much), but let me tell you--we had FUN!  We were thick as thieves and did everything together. It was completely innocent and so pure. I can still feel the joy his beautiful soul brought me! Sadly, he moved away during that school year.  I would later come out to myself at 12, to trusted friends at 18, and to the world at 22.

2. When you were first coming out was there a book, a movie, TV show, or something else you found helpful in your coming out journey? 

Armistead Maupin's "Tales of the City" Series and the novels by Michael Cunningham taught me that it was possible to have a full and rich life as a gay man in a big city. That mattered greatly to me because at the time I was living in a place that was deadly for the LGBTQ.  When I was a university student, the movie, "Sleeping with The Enemy" with Julia Roberts also saved me.  It sounds weird, but I knew that I had to leave my entire life in Texas behind in order to be openly gay and safe but I was so terrified. I didn't even know where to begin.  That movie taught me that I had to make an exit plan. So I did.  I knew I needed to finish my degree because that would get me a good job in the future. In the meanwhile, I got part-time work and learned how to support myself so that when it was time, I could leave.  A month after graduating, at 22 years old, I took a one-way flight to New York City with the hope and hunger for a better life.  It was one of the best decisions of my life and 24 years later, I'm still so proud of myself for the courage it took.


3. Knowing what you know now, what kind of advice would you give your younger self who is getting ready to come out?

Knowing what I know now, I would have done what I did at 22 at 18.  I had the right idea, to go where I knew I belonged.  When you find where you belong, when you find your people, EVERYTHING changes for the better.