Jean* could mark the moment when his entire world blew up.
It was in the middle of COVID and he was in the middle of a fight with his wife. They were arguing about spoons, of all things, and how they should be stacked in the flatware drawer. That's when he blurted out, "I'm also bisexual." In that millisecond his entire life of 68 years changed.
A few difficult weeks later Jean filed for divorce. He wanted the freedom to learn about this part of himself that he kept suppressed for too long. Their marriage of 40 years had already been untenable for the last decade and they had already drifted far apart. COVID had made them both realize just how far. Jean's wife did not take the news well. Fueled with rage and resentment she outted Jean to all their friends and family.
Sadly, she also twisted the truth. She told people that Jean was gay and that he wanted a divorce so he could sleep with lots of men. Her bitterness was successful in alienating Jean from the community that had once been his entire life. Old family friends no longer took his calls. Neighbors whispered and snickered. He no longer felt comfortable going to his church where he felt his "friends" were all staring, making him feel unwelcome.
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Making matters worse, his adult children sided with their mother. They were angry, confused, and felt deceived. He tried to explain to them that while so much had changed, his love for them and his grandchildren had not. He desperately wanted to still be in their lives. They all told Jean to give them space and time. They needed to figure out how they were going to explain this to his grandchildren. Until then, "stay away" was the message he kept hearing.
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This devastated Jean. How could the world be so cruel? He was bisexual and the love he once had for his wife and other women was real--there was just another side to him that had been left unexplored for decades. Why was it so bad to be honest about that? Why did all his 'loved' ones decide it was best to shun him?
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Jean moved to an apartment on the other side of town where nobody knew him or his family. Alone, he quickly fell into a depression.
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How would he meet new people, connect with others and learn more about who he was as a bisexual person?
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One night while surfing on the Internet he came across The LOFT LGBTQ+ Community Center. There was a post on social media highlighting the programs and services they offered. Jean didn't even know such a thing as The LOFT even existed. He immediately went to the website and was amazed by what he discovered.
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Jean found several support groups that could help him:
The Bisexual Peer Support Group, The Men's Peer Support Group, The 55+ Peer Support Group. Then he discovered
Silver Connections, a program dedicated to aging LGBTQ+ seniors. He registered for all of them and soon found friendship. He participated in the virtual groups and was overjoyed by how many people listened to his story, his pain, and his need for connection. Many had been through something similar and shared their experiences freely.
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He started going to the lunches held by Silver Connections and made friends who started inviting him out to dinner and the movies. Someone told him about
OUTWalking, and he joined that group too--meeting others who loved nature hikes and fresh air.
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Jean was moving his life forward. He found friends and felt accepted at The LOFT. He was even able to reconnect to his adult children and grandkids.
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Most importantly, he began to learn more about the part of himself he kept hidden and with the help of the community, he found that part of himself again. For the first time in his life, Jean was proud to be bisexual.
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*Jean is a fictional character created using a compilation of several real stories.
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This is how important community centers like The LOFT are for people like Jean.
Help us continue the work of developing programs and services that can help so many people who are coming out and often starting over.
Please consider supporting The LOFT.
